Perception

The way we perceive others is often shaped more by our past experiences than by their actual character. Rather than seeing people clearly, we tend to view them through a lens colored by old wounds, assumptions, and unhealed emotions.

Imagine, for instance, that during your freshman year of college, you were bullied by someone who had tattoos. That painful memory left an imprint. Years later, you meet someone new—genuine, kind, and trustworthy—but they also have tattoos. Almost instantly, your mind draws a connection between the two. You start to feel uneasy or guarded, not because of anything this new person has done, but because your perception is being filtered through past hurt. You might even begin to imagine things about them—that they’re aggressive, untrustworthy, or hiding something—when in reality, those qualities exist only in your memory, not in them.

Or take a different example: you once dated someone who cheated on you. Even if she later came to you with a sincere apology, acknowledging her mistake and asking for forgiveness, you might still struggle to let go. That lingering resentment can cause you to view everything she says or does with suspicion. You begin to assume the worst—that she’s being manipulative, that her emotions aren’t real, that she’s thinking things she hasn’t said. Your mind fills in the blanks with fear and mistrust, not truth. And the more you hold on to that bitterness, the more distorted your view becomes—not just of her, but of anyone who reminds you of that situation.

This is what unresolved pain does—it doesn't just keep us stuck in the past, it reshapes the present. We stop responding to who people actually are and start reacting to who we think they might be. Our imaginations, influenced by our wounds, create stories about others that often aren't true at all.

To see people clearly, we need to deal honestly with what's still hurting inside us. Healing, forgiveness, and reflection help strip away the fog. Only then can we stop projecting and start perceiving—seeing people not through the lens of fear or past betrayal, but through truth, grace, and understanding.