Gaining confidence.

Throughout my life, I’ve grappled with a persistent lack of confidence, an ongoing struggle that often leaves me feeling inadequate. Despite moments of progress, I find myself wrestling with self-doubt, questioning my worth, and wondering how to break free from this cycle. The question looms: how do I overcome this deep-seated challenge?

In my human nature, I’ve often turned to external solutions, mistakenly believing that confidence lies in worldly attributes or achievements. I’ve thought that being kind, looking stylish, showcasing talent, losing weight, or appearing intelligent would fill the void. While none of these pursuits are inherently wrong, they become problematic when I anchor my self-worth to them. For example, when I focus on dressing a certain way, I start craving validation from others—seeking their approval to feel good about myself. This pattern extends to other areas: if I rely on compliments for my talents or recognition for my smarts, I’m building my confidence on a shaky foundation. Seeking approval from anyone or anything other than God traps me in a relentless cycle of self-consciousness, where my sense of self hinges on fleeting external feedback.

This chase for worldly validation mirrors an addiction, like smoking cigarettes. A puff provides a temporary high, a fleeting sense of relief, but soon after, the low creeps in—restlessness, insecurity, or even depression—until the next “fix” comes along. Over time, the brain rewires itself to depend on that external input, much like some of us become wired to need approval to function. When we’re controlled by ego and self-consciousness, the world eagerly supplies validation in unhealthy ways: superficial compliments, social media likes, or temporary success. These may soothe us momentarily, but they deepen our dependency, leaving us emptier than before.

The only true path to freedom from this cycle is to cut off the source of the problem. With cigarettes, that means quitting entirely. But how do you “quit” self-consciousness or the need for approval? This is where God becomes essential—not just helpful, but vital—for our deliverance. Even quitting a vice like smoking is notoriously difficult without divine strength, and many who succeed without God often trade one addiction for another, like overeating or compulsive working. You’ve likely heard the saying, “Everyone has their vice.” But with God, there’s no need for a vice. His Spirit provides all the confidence, approval, and peace we could ever need, filling the deepest parts of our hearts without leaving us craving more.

I could try superficial fixes—smashing every mirror in my home, tossing out trendy clothes, or abandoning my hobbies—but these actions don’t address the root issue: the hole in my heart that drives my need for approval. True confidence doesn’t come from erasing external temptations; it flows from a deep, intimate relationship with God, where He alone becomes the source of our validation. God’s approval is unlike the world’s—it’s unconditional, rooted not in our appearance, talents, wealth, or accomplishments, but in our very existence. He cherishes our soul, our heart, the essence of who we are beyond this physical world.

This isn’t to say God disapproves of our looks, gifts, or resources. He created them for us to enjoy! The problem arises when we elevate these things above Him, seeking purpose and identity in them apart from His will. When God is our centerpiece, everything else—our style, talents, or ambitions—becomes a tool to glorify Him, enhancing our lives without defining us. But when we make worldly things our focus, God becomes a fallback, a rescuer who must pull us from the brink of spiritual death time and again as we chase what can never satisfy.

To break free from self-consciousness, ego, and the crushing weight of self-doubt, we must stop placing anything above God. Instead of running from Him—toward distractions, achievements, or approval—we need to run to Him. His arms are always open, ready to embrace us in our most vulnerable, unpolished state. Practical steps can help shift our focus: instead of scrolling through Instagram for validation, spend time in honest prayer, pouring out your heart to God. Rather than shopping for a new outfit to boost your image, dive into Scripture to hear what God says about your worth. Instead of pouring hours into perfecting a skill for applause, worship God for His boundless love. And rather than chasing intellectual pursuits to feel significant, meditate on His promises, letting His truth anchor your soul.

This isn’t about frantic effort to mask pain—it’s about slowing down, starting fresh, and making God the center of your life. Trying to outrun insecurity only deepens the wound; only God can heal it. When He’s your foundation, the things around you—appearance, talents, relationships—become blessings, not burdens. They aid your journey rather than hinder it.

Building this confidence takes time and intentionality. It means daily surrendering the urge to seek approval elsewhere, choosing to trust God’s view of you over the world’s. It’s not a one-time fix but a lifelong process of aligning your heart with His. As you grow closer to Him, you’ll find a confidence that doesn’t waver with trends, opinions, or failures—a confidence rooted in the unchanging love of a God who sees you, knows you, and calls you His own.